dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
my being single is dangerous.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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