If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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