Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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