a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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