Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
