I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
