in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
