is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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