i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
