I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
