Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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