taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
