Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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