I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
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