you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I have surprise drugs for everyone
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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