I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
