I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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