Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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