I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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