i jhust puked up my retainher.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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