She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
