You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
