Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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