that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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