I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
