She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
