Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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