don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
