found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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