Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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