so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
