i think my tv is drunk
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
