I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
