I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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