yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
