Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
