After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
