Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
