I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
