so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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