Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
