Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
