I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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