Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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