god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
