i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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