and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
