After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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