So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize