How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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