Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
