Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
