My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
