The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
