he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
