addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
