we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
