now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
