so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
